


in my head

by gaynewsies



Category: Newsies - All Media Types
Genre: Female Crutchie, M/M, Nonbinary JoJo, nonbinary albert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:48:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23677909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaynewsies/pseuds/gaynewsies
Summary: in which racetrack higgins and albert dasilva look back on their relationship.or,four events that led to something better.
Relationships: Albert DaSilva/Racetrack Higgins, Ralbert - Relationship
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	in my head

**Author's Note:**

> okay hi!!! this ideas been in my notes for a month so i decided to finally do it :D  
> this is a songfic, inspired by the song "supercut" by lorde which 100% makes me cry everytime i listen to it  
> my twitter is @/GAYNEWSIES !!  
> this is dedicated to btbi i love u guys mwah  
> enjoy :D

**_in my head, i play a supercut of us_**

race opened his eyes, and suddenly, he was fourteen years old again.

he was thrust back into the summer of ‘16, bad haircut and all. there was a weight against the bridge of his nose- thick rimmed glasses that he’d soon replace with contacts. this was the same summer of white hightop converse and j.v. swim team and collecting comic books, the same summer of spending every single day with his best friend, albert dasilva. **  
**

days that weren’t spent with only al, he spent with all of his friends.

days like this.

four quilted blankets were sprawled against the vibrant green of the city park’s grass. (four blankets was hardly enough, and mush still ended up being pushed off onto the damp ground.) elmer was completely absorbed into the game of uno, which he was losing desperately. despite the stubborn determination that tugged at the corners of his eyebrows, he still radiated sunshine, because that’s just who elmer was. and crutchie, who was trying to explain to jack why chugging his third consecutive bottle of snapple was a bad idea. (“ _but i’m tryin’ to beat romeo!_ ”) crutchie didn’t think anyone saw, but race noted the way she let a happy grin spread across her face when jack looked away. she loved all of her friends whole-heartedly, and he would never forget that. or jojo, who happily split their pb&j, practically shoving the other half at buttons with that perfect jojo smile. buttons accepted it bashfully, mumbling one too many _thanks_. jojo didn’t have a selfish bone in their body, and buttons was too humble for his own good.

he looked around, the golden glow of nostalgia filling him with pure bliss. all his friends were happy, and race was… _content_. he felt complete, like these people were all he’d ever need.

(little did young race know; he was right.)

he’d just tossed one of finch’s skittles into the air, catching it with an open mouth and chewing down, a classic race smirk pulling the edges of his lips up. finch shook his head, a small smile forming across his face nonetheless. race was boasting, nudging finch obnoxiously, when a quiet sigh came from his side. of course he’d hear it, even over davey’s ranting and specs’ lively storytelling- it came from albert. race could pick albert’s sigh out of a crowd.

albert.

albert dasilva.

his best friend, who, despite the pure happiness that was buzzing around them, was sighing up at the sky. three beams of light broke through the leaves of the tree that towered over them, illuminating albert in all their glory. they were perfect. young and bright. luminescent.

race lightly kicked crutchie’s side, a silent sign to move over. she looked at him with angry eyes, until she saw him sliding down on his back to match up with albert. anger turned to realization, that turned to knowing. she scooted over, turning away in an attempt to give the two some privacy. she looked down at her knee, which was now overlapping finch’s.

“jack and i are going to go to the ice cream truck!” davey chirped. the other’s had already chipped in for the cost, and race waved them off without caring what they came back with for him. race turned his head to meet albert’s profile- his best friend was so much more important. the two seemed to be in their own world, their own plane of existence. when race looked at albert like this, it was just them.

“whatcha’ lookin’ at?” race whispered, gentle and secret, like he wanted the words to stay between them.

they sighed again. “nothing. the clouds.”

“oh, riveting,” race spout. a small giggle passed through albert’s lips. they pushed their elbow into race’s side, a playful gesture that race took as a sign that they were okay. fine, at least.

“stupid.” albert shook their head, the remnants of a faint smile playing on their cherry lips. they hadn’t gotten their braces off yet, and there was still a lisp that trailed their words. race loved that lisp.

he beamed. _that, i am._

the laughter died down between the two. race took to looking at the clouds as well, catching only bits and pieces of his friends’ conversations around him.

“hey, race?” albert’s voice trembled. race threw his head to look at his best friend, whose deep brown eyes were magnified with tears. “i’ve just been thinking and.. i’m just.. i’m..”

race laid a warm hand on albert’s, rubbing tiny circles with his thumb. “you can tell me, albie. what’s wrong?”

“i’m scared.” they blurted, like they’d never tell race if they didn’t let it out right that second.

“scared?”

“scared.” they repeated, recoiling from race’s touch. they sighed, looking back up at the clouds. “of high school. of the future. of… of this ending.”

“of what ending?” race wasn’t getting it.

“of today! of everything! of our friends and… of us.” albert glanced at race when that last word fell out of their mouth. expecting the worst, they sighed when race’s eyes only widened. “i don’t want to grow up. we’re gonna be in high school soon. that’s insane.”

“albie,” they were both still speaking in hushed tones. race held out his hand, his pinky finger sticking out. “i swear to you. you won’t lose us.”

albert eyed his finger. “promise?”

“promise.” something about the certainty in race’s eyes; it made albert’s heart speed up more than they were used to. with linked fingers, their hands dropped. “now, tell me about these clouds you like so much.”

with his free hand, albert pointed out the shapes he saw in the clouds that slowly passed by. a rabbit, a lighter, a heart. race wasn’t looking at the clouds, though.

**_in your car, the radio up, we keep trying to talk about us_ **

albert ran after race. suddenly, the packed house was suffocating, and the music was too loud, and albert could see race’s retreating figure bolt out the front door, and if everybody could just _move_ …

all five beers hit albert at the same time. their shoulder harshly ran into another’s. it took both parties off guard, but albert barely stopped to mumble an unclear _sorry_ before dashing off once again. romeo, with a puzzled expression, tried to get their attention. he looked like he had a question or two, but albert waved him off. their best friend was so much more important.

they burst through the open door, the cold air hitting them like a brick. they looked around, frantic, because _oh my god, where did race go?_

there was only five or so people on the patio- two of which were making out, leaving the other rest, a group albert roughly recognized from their drama class, in the opposite corner, playing a drunken game of simon says.

albert’s vision focused center, and there he was. race. with his hoodie disheveled and blonde curls clinging to the back of his sweaty neck. his hands were clenched into fists at his side, and he stood at the edge of the curb. the events that took place within those last few minutes flashed through albert’s head. they didn’t stop, a busy blur of regret and anxiety and doubts. this was all their fault. albert and race’s friendship would come to an end and he’d hate them and so would all their other friends and albert _messed up_.

albert didn’t want to talk to race. they didn’t want to confront him or acknowledge what just happened, they just wanted to be able to go up to race and hug him and have race ruffle their hair and they could smile together and it’d all be fine. what if this ruined everything?

race cleared his throat. he turned his head, his blue eyes cloudy with tears.

“hey,” albert breathed, their shaky chest falling with uncertainty. “i’m sorry, tony.”

race was silent. he turned back to look at the ground. albert rushed to his side, their hands trembling.

“why him? why _oscar_ , al?” race’s voice was watery and vague, cracking at the mention of the delancy. his eyebrows were pulled in and he was slowly clenching his fists tighter.

just three minutes prior, albert and oscar were kissing behind what they thought was a locked door.

albert felt their heart drop. “it’s- it’s nothing, tone! he’s nothing, we just- we’re not- we- _i’m_ not…” albert shook their head vehemently, frantically denying.

“just tell me the truth, albie. i won’t be mad.” race turned, and suddenly they were face-to-face. albert look up into his eyes, feeling overwhelmed instantly. this was all too much, and too much was happening, and even though they were only wearing a rumpled t-shirt and it was forty degrees outside, they were too hot. the expression in race’s eyes were unreadable.

a prickling sensation bit at the inside of albert’s eyelids and they subconsciously started biting their lips to keep them from turning downwards. “you promise? you won’t hate me?”

“ _god,_ ” race exhaled, a bitter laugh falling from the back of his throat. he titled his head back, looking at the sky. maybe to stop himself from tearing up again. there were no visible stars- he looked back down. he was illuminated by nothing but the porch light, who’s occupants had dispersed. a top 50’s song blasting from inside the house filled the silence. albert knew it by heart, but they didn’t really feel like singing along at that moment. “i could never hate you. i love you, al.”

albert’s breaths came out in a series of rapid puffs, anxiety pushing at their lungs. “i’m gay. and oscar and i were just hooking up.” they cast their head down, squeezing their eyes closed. like if they couldn’t see anything, it’d all go away.

“hey,” race whispered. he took his _best friend’s_ chin between his thumb and index finger, forcing their eyes to meet. “that’s okay. you’re okay. i’m proud of you.”

race pulled albert into his chest, carding his fingers through the red hair he loved so much. albert let themselves cry against his neck, gathering fistfuls of race’s shirt and being glad he existed.

 _what’s he have that i don’t?_ race wanted to ask, but never did.

**_i’ll be your quiet afternoon crush, be your violent overnight rush_ **

race went to the coffee shop way too often.

some days it was raining, and he’d rush in, soaking wet and shivering, practically begging specs for a free hot chocolate. “i have _got_ to stop giving you free drinks,” specs would mutter, but he’d still key in the order as an employee drink.

or, the orange leaves of the trees and the crisp fall air would leave him craving anything pumpkin flavored. he’d sit at one of the tables, most days across from ms. medda, a lovely woman he knew from down the street. he’d help her finish her crosswords, or she’d talk about drama from the office.

if it was warm outside, but just chilly enough to have a zip up slung over his shoulder for if he wanted it, and the flowers were blooming and the clouds were white and fluffy, he’d come in and order a flavored tea- a different one each day.

on this day, the heat was beating down relentlessly. those were some of his favorites; when it was just him and the clear, blue sky, neverending. with a smile as bright as the sun, he slammed a twenty dollar bill onto the counter. “the usual, my good lord.”

it was albert behind the counter, running their eyes up and down the mini menu taped next to the cash register. with their free hand, they took race’s money. “how’s it goin’, tone?” they asked, still occupied.

“better now!” race gushed, leaning over the counter. albert glanced up, what was supposed to only last a second. but it was race, and his freckles were starting to show with his newfound summer tan, and his usual baby blonde hair was tinted green from hours spent in the pool, all making his blue eyes pop. race stared back, his grin only growing.

specs groaned. his brown barista apron was tousled and dirty, and he was drying his hands with a rag. “a caramel macchiato is $5.75, al.”

albert smiled shyly. with a red face, they mumbled an embarrassed, “ _right, sorry_.” they shook out of their reverie and began counting race’s change.

race shrugged, in a bent over position with his elbows on the counter. “they’re still new; give ‘em some time.”

albert playfully shoved race’s shoulder. race didn’t retaliate, just watched albert’s face as they laughed. specs rolled his eyes. he cursed under his breath, leaving his friends to their own. $14.25 made its way from albert’s hand to race’s. it burned where their skin met.

race’s heart fluttered. was he supposed to feel this way?

“um, you can go sit down. i’ll, uh, bring it to you. when it’s ready.” albert nervously fiddled with the pockets of their apron.

“aye, aye,” race mock saluted.

when race’s drink was ready, albert pulled specs aside. “hey, can you cover the cash register? thanks, buddy.” specs didn’t have time to answer before albert hurried away, ripping off their apron.

race was tapping his feet to a song albert didn’t recognize, working on math homework that albert couldn’t even try to understand. “hey, racey!”

“you are my _hero_ ! thank you!” race dragged out the last syllables of ‘you’, making grabbing hands at his drink. albert set it down on the table, pulling out the chair opposite to him. on the lid, there was a wreath of hearts and flowers. race smiled down at it. “so,” he cleared his throat. “tonight, for movie night: spot wants to watch _friday the 13th_ , and elmer wants to watch _love, rosie_. probably to counteract _friday the 13th_. thoughts?” he asked expectantly, taking a sip.

“actually, i was thinking…” albert nervously played with his fingers.

“hmm?”

“that we’d.. skip movie night.”

“what?” race exclaimed. “we never skip movie night!”

“no, i know, i was just thinking that we’d… y’know, have our own movie night. at the movies. do you wanna go to the movies with me?”

race paused, his face flushing. “me? like just you and me?”

“just you and me.”

"like a date?” race regretted it as soon as he said it. _shit, shit, shi-_

“like a date.”

the butterflies in race’s stomach fluttered around until an entire ecosystem made its home in his body. his veins replaced themselves with roots and sweet nectar pumped from his heart.

“ _i’d love that._ ”

**_because ours are the moments i play in the dark,_ **

**_we were wild and fluorescent,_ **

**_come home to my heart_ **

there was something about race, the way he couldn’t stand still and never stopped smiling and was simply _buzzing_. he reached across the lunch table, a knowing glint in his eye. he cupped albert’s hand, “come with me.”

albert looked up from their phone. “what?”

“come with me!” race repeated, more insistent now. he stood up, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"but-” albert gestured to their half eaten lunch. race grumbled, pulling albert up.

“okay, okay, i’m coming.” albert laughed, barely getting a grasp on their backpack before they were whisked away.

race soaked in their laugh, and the fact that he was holding their hand, because albert was his boyfriend now.

race held albert’s hand the whole way, leading them with a nervous smile. albert, amused, went along with it. albert questioned him the whole time, just to get waved off with a “ _you’ll see_ ” or “ _shush!_ ” when the bleachers came into view, albert furrowed their eyebrows.

“oh, god, did i have soccer practice?”

“no, albert, i swear to god.”

when the rest of the field came into view, race covered albert’s eyes with a bandana he kept in his back pocket. race led his _boyfriend_ to the top of the stairs.

“are you ready?” race whispered, gentle and secret.

“i guess?”

race untied the bandana and took a step away, letting albert take in the view. on the field, all of their friends were in position, holding giant signs, one letter each, spelling out:

WILL OYU GO TO PROM WITH ME?

albert’s hands flew to their mouth. they emitted a tiny gasp, eyes full of shock. they spun around, nodding frantically. “ _yes, yes, a million times, yes,”_ they yanked race into a hug, their cheek resting against the top of race’s head.

albert pulled away, face streaked with tears. they were absolutely beaming. “they spelled ‘you’ wrong,” they let out, words mixing with a joyous laugh.

race sighed, content, happier than he’d been in a while. “yeah. i think that makes it better, though.”

albert nodded his head. “yeah, i think so, too.”

they kissed, smiles meshing together. from below, his friends cheered, and race knew that these were the only people he’d ever need.

-

“we just graduated.” race blurted. wide-eyed, he thought about everything that just happened, and everything that happened in the past, and everything that will happen. it all felt unreal.

albert turned their head. they were laying in race’s front yard, staring at the night sky, freckled with stars. “yeah. how do you feel?”

race turned his head, too, and he smiled, a certain glint in his eyes. “like i love you.”

“i love you, too.” albert didn’t hesitate. they loved this boy with his entire heart, and they had for a while, and nothing would ever change that.

“hey, weirdos!” katherine called from the front door, sarah shortly behind her. “we’re cutting the cake buttons brought! c’mon!”

race locked eyes with albert, just one more time. he smiled. they’d be okay.


End file.
